Eldritch creatures respond unfavorably to my gravity field, with its combination of both hextech and magical nature. A prototype gravity field had an interesting effect on that BLASTED DARK CHILD’S PET when I first arrived in the League.

The creature shifted and liquidated immediately, dissolving into something vaguely resembling fecal matter. Shortly after, a rabbit emerged from the primordial ooze. Its death glare and the heat it gave off suggested it was that abominable BEAR.

However, suggestions were cast aside when it leaped upon me with all the force of its original form, RIPPING MY THIRD ARM OFF WITH ITS TEETH AND BEATING ME INTO A STUPOR WITH IT. All while that foul little girl laughed and clapped her hands. The creature has avoided me ever since. Or rather, I have avoided it.

I do not believe you to be fast enough. As a result we will apply multiple jet packs to your back. These will be painfully grafted into your armor without any form of anesthetic. We also have no disinfectant, first aid knowledge, or steel, so we will be using trash cans to contain the fuel.

You will be able to SOAR ELEGANTLY when I have finished upgrading you, Shadow of War. However, be aware that this upgrade is a prototype. As a result I am not responsible for any accidental explosions or unplanned trajectory shifts. 

Fear not, however. For the weakness of this prototype is also its strength. You need only STAMPEDE upon the wires of your jet pack to release the fuel and DISSOLVE YOUR ENEMIES. It will be a wonderful sight to see. A suit of armor crashes to earth, surrounded by a shower of bones and flesh. The GLORIOUS EVOLUTION will watch your endeavors with interest, Hecarim.

Alas it was not to be. An unfortunate explosion in the lab resulted in the loss of multiple test subjects and my entire right arm. However, fear not. More are in development. I currently have no less than fifty and no more than seventy yordles working on a replacement. However, even after these are completed, they must be submitted to the League for immediate testing and approval.

I do not trust they will be complete anytime soon. The proprietors of the Legaue are IGNORANT FOOLS. They are more content to place their trust in simple steel and bulging muscles. I will prove them wrong.

Very simple, insolent ignoramus! We attach lasers to each prong of the rake! Uninspired, perhaps, but also GENIUS! For each prong, we will have the rake fire a laser at the push of a button, FRYING ALL FOOLS WHO CROSS ITS POINTY THREATS.

You want something more original. Very well.

WE MAKE THE RAKE SELF DESTRUCT. I am quite serious. THE RAKE WILL BE FIRED LIKE A YORDLE FROM A CATAPULT INTO THE SOFT, TENDER FLESH OF AN ENEMY. Upon impaling said enemy, it will IMMEDIATELY SELF DESTRUCT.

….Very well. We will stick with the laser.

radiantstardust:

deliciousunicorn:

radiantstardust:

My friend (askleagueviktor/askgaige) played Orianna at my request. And then this happened. GP and Lee Sin (Khalia’s friend and me) tried desperately  not to steal it. Riven’s shield came up, GP Q took it out… and I safeguarded to exhaust something. So fun. The entire call just started screaming and

IT WAS AWESOME. EVEN IF WE LOST.

GURL LOOK AT DAT BODY

OH SHE WAS HERE TOO. THAT UNICORN BITCH

So I’m not very active on here anymore but this was my very first pentakill. I literally couldn’t stop smiling for so long. I always thought that my first penta would be on someone like Katarina or a ranged AD like Ez or Corki. People constantly referred to as low skill that would like…almost make the achievement worth less. But to get it on Orianna. That’s just made me the happiest player alive.

Hmph. Of course I am alive, simple fool. I was simply out of commission due to working on my new Hexcore upgrades, which unfortunately were denied. Hmph. I suppose there’s no accounting for taste among summoners.

However, I am still hard at work, and have found time to return to this askblog. How ridiculous that you think I would vanish permanently. I always return. For THE GLORIOUS EVOLUTION.

Agh! You inadequate fool! Your cannon detonated my question receiving device and caused it to backfire, ANNIHILATING THE NEARBY YORDLE VILLAGE I PLANNED TO TEST MY LATEST DEVICE ON.

Well, since you’ve done this, I suppose you’ll need to be my new test subject now, Herr Doctor. Close your eyes. This pain receptor scrambler won’t hurt a bit.

radiantstardust:

spoookyunicorn:

Ultimate Bravery is fun after playing a bunch of normals.

Let me tell you about this Soraka… with PICTURES.

I can’t handle this wardfest.

drforehead:

askleagueviktor:

Ohhhh my God best game in a long time.

Screenshot derped for some reason so I had to crop and magnify the scores.

Out of curiosity, what were your items?

Boots and Health pots to start. Standard mid items+ midding against Morde is a pain in the ass.

Doran’s Ring for some health and mana regen and an Amplifying Tome for flat AP on first back. Quickly built into a Fiendish Codex, then the rest of Athene’s.

I then built Sorc Shoes for early pen, and about ten minutes later built Rabadon’s. I wasn’t dying and people like Morde and Shyvana were hard to have an impact on without flat AP.

About ten minutes later I built Void Staff. I then sold my Sorc Shoes and bought Ionian Boots of Lucidity. The Sorc Shoes were for early magic pen, and stacking flat Mpen with % Mpen is inefficient. +More CDR=more lasers. I had my ultimate on a 26 second CD, and that was without ripping blue buff off Teemo’s corpse.

Ohhhh my God best game in a long time.

Screenshot derped for some reason so I had to crop and magnify the scores.